I am the architect

Whatever you do while reading this, do not feel sorry for me.

I have struggled to make a name for myself.

That's not entirely true, because I have made a name for myself, but not at the scale I was hoping, and I have nobody to blame but myself.

I made this happen.

I am the cause and effect of my own devices.

Instead of staying in a lane, I pivoted a LOT.

I change my mind often.

I couldn't handle boredom.

When things didn't work as well as I wanted, I tore it all down.

I've done this over and over again to the same exact result.

Some good things have happened, but not nearly to the scale I imagined.

Do not get weepy for me, because there is good news.

No hustle, no flow

People would comment on how I am so prolific, but that's only partly true.

Knowing my own timeline, I could easily be making more things.

I don’t spend as much time creating as I should.

When I am creating, I don't focus my energy in a particular direction.

I'm wildly all over the map of creativity.

I don't fill my gaps between creating well.

I don't promote as much as I should.

I don't examine which ways of promotion are most effective.

I make stuff, and I push it out frantically when it's done.

I have the time. I just don't make the time.

I promise though, there's good stuff happening.

Does not play well with others

I don’t push for collaboration as much as I should.

My word of the year is *collaboration*, but I didn't follow through.

A rising tide lifts all boats, but I anchored my boat on another coast.

I also wasn't asked to collaborate on much.

Probably because I didn't show up consistently in a singular space.

Others didn't know what to make of me.

This one perplexes me the most because it's so easy.

I just didn't do the work.

But as I promised, there is good from all of this.

Can't stop won't stop

I acknowledge I am not great at this game, but I keep playing it.

I cannot stop myself.

Although I don't make as much stuff as I could, I am still making stuff, and I'm slowly getting better at all of the things. Perhaps that's my own perception, but the grooves are being formed, and they are coming together.

Even though I was doing lots of different things (art, design, videos, podcasting, and writing), I could see how the paths were converging. Instead of singularly calling myself an artist, a designer, a writer, or a podcaster, it's clear that I can house all of these under one roof.

My art tells a story.

My design tells a story.

My writing, podcasting, and videos all tell stories.

I'm a storyteller.

Know thyself better

The one thing I know I do well is put on a good show.

When I get compliments, they sound something like this...

"You're really good on the microphone/camera."

"I enjoy your writing voice."

"You're not afraid to express yourself in your art."

I'm proud of all those things, and I'm taking those thoughts less as compliments, and more as critiques on how I should be sharing. Instead of the disparate snipes I normally post on social media, what if instead I made a conscious effort to tell stories?

Where I lack in social proof and business acumen, I excel in conviction to an idea.

I know who I am, and it's time to capitalize on that.

Taking the W

I've known my why for some time now.

With this new perspective, my what is becoming more clear every day.

I've limited my where to fewer nodes because I want to concentrate my message.

The when is daily, without fail, but I know I can go deeper on that.

The how is what needs work.

The how needs to be fleshed out more; make this more tangible.

I'm not going to kill myself for the how, though.

I have time to figure out the how, but that doesn't mean sitting back and contemplating my navel.

There's work to do in the meantime.