Are you struggling to understand where you belong?

Yeah, me too, and that's ok...I think.

So, I got sidelined this week by my first-ever case of Covid-19. I had absolutely zero motivation or energy to write anything new this week, but I’ve had this piece sitting in my drafts, waiting for the right time, which means today.

Also, today is my 21st anniversary with this beautiful woman who makes just about everything I do possible. I love you, Leslie!

---

A Dinosaur in Deep Thought

I’ve been dealing with a small existential crisis—nothing major—but I’m a bit unsure about my contribution to the creative community right now.

It’s entirely my fault because I chose to put myself here.

I declared my new title as a DowhateverthefukIwantist; a vagabond exploring the limits of my creative curiosity. I posted that notice here and on YouTube and dove head first into it.

But in terms of sharing content, creative exploration isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Each project I tackle may be interesting to a few, but whenever I move into a different project, those others may not be as interested. Maintaining a creative thread that ties them all together has been challenging and remains my main objective right now.

If you go on YouTube today, invariably, you will find a creative person sharing a story about some existential epiphany or dread. They’ll talk about what they went through or perhaps how they found their way through tough moments. The audience often can relate to the situation and relishes either in the commiseration or inspiration to push forward with their own work.

The problem is that the video’s topic is a one-off for that creator, and their next video returns to their original type of content. However, that epiphanic video often becomes one of their most popular, garnering 10x or more views than normal, adding hundreds or thousands of new subscribers who loved that video but don’t watch any of the core content.

Often, a creator will see how that one post hit different and they’ll want to capitalize on it, going from an art, design, or technical channel to more motivational content because they are chasing that views/subscribers dragon.

No shade to the likes of Sean McCabe, James Victoré, or Dan Koe, but they’ve all done it, and Koe is the only one who survived. Both Victoré and McCabe have scraped most of their content from YouTube, with McCabe ghosting himself from all platforms.

Just call me the Philosoraptor—thinking deeply about
killing those negative vibes.

I mention that last bit because I recognize that I made the same type of existential content as recently as last week, but I’ve always tried to incorporate it into whatever project I am working on.

Part of me doesn’t want to lean into that content because I don’t want it to ever feel like fluff or filler, and I don’t want to chase views or pander to the audience. On the other hand, I recognize how some of those conversations have been helpful for others, many of whom have broken down some significant barriers in their work or life.

If what I share helps clear someone navigate around a creative stumbling block, then so be it, but I will tread lightly. And before you ask, hell no, I’m not becoming a creative life coach. Sure, people can still lay down on my proverbial couch all they want, but only if they bring snacks.

In truth, the more I wrote about this, the better I felt about it, which I suppose means I spent some time on your couch whether you liked it or not.

I promise, I’ll bring pie next time.

You can’t waste even a day subscribing to what someone thinks you can do versus knowing what you can do.

- Virgil Abloh

External Signals

• TODAY is the last day to get my latest zine, Old Punks Don’t Die at the pre-order price. I took delivery on them last night, but they came a day early, so I’m giving you the last day to get your order in. Free shipping to the U.S. and they go out immediately.

• This Reel about the Soulquarians (collaborative of musical artists that shaped hip hop and R&B in the 90s) has been a bug in my brain for the last few weeks and it’s got me been thinking a lot about how important art collectives, or a dedicated group of collaborators can help the entire group grow faster than individually.

• Phi Nguyen
  ’s approach to sketching urban environments and everyday items makes me want to take up sketching again. I’ve never been able to stick with it, but I love the idea of capturing the essence of the corner liquor store (of which there are many in Long Beach) because they have the best signs.

---

Starting in July, I’ll be focusing member benefits more toward zines and zine building items. If you’d like to get free zines and tools sent to you every month, become a member today. I’ll sweeten the deal for you.