The Unspoken Rules of Writing About Personal Experiences
There's pitfalls to telling your stories, especially when others are involved. Here are lessons I've learned the hard way for sharing those stories online
UPDATES!
↣ A face for radio
First, I’m experimenting with adding my own voice-overs to these posts. Substack has their own voice-over option in the app, but it sucks ass, and I do not want their terrible audio speaking for me. I’ve been told I have a good radio voice so I might as well put it to use.
↣ Yes, I changed it again
You may have already noticed, and you may have wondered who the hell is this Creative Generalist person writing to me… I didn’t subscribe to this! Surprise, but you did.
For reasons that will become more clear as you read on, the name change comes from me fully embracing the wanderlust I have for different creative projects, but also, I know you probably feel the same way. If you have questions, drop them in the comments, but this is who we are now.
Now on with the circus.
Open Mouth, Insert Foot
Last week, I wrote an article; a declaration, really, about how I will no longer run away from my creative wanderlust. I make what I make and I’m ok if people don’t get it.
In that article, I spoke of a person in my local circle who doesn’t fully grasp the multitudes I contain, to a point where they have a tendency to label me one way because it’s all they know how to do when confronted with understanding those multitudes.
It’s not their fault. It’s mine, because I have done a terrible job of wearing the right clothes for the job. People relate to me based on what I share online, and if I am not consistent with that message, or the concept is muddy, then their brain does the best it can to fill in the gaps by putting me in a box that makes sense to them.
They Said Pick a Lane. I Said No!
The moment I stopped apologizing for being "too much" and became a Creative Generalist
Before we dig in, two things…
Save this post. You’re going to want to spend some time thinking this one over.
Share this with someone who is [insert thing] but is [insert fear].
NOTE: This publication grows because of your shares, and if you know someone who could really use this information, send it to them. It helps them, helps me, and it’s 100% free.
I’m a 10+ on the Creative Impulse Scale
Because the Universe has a sick sense of humor, that person joined Substack the next day, and I don’t know if they subscribed to me or not, but they might have read what I posted. I never even considered that they may be a subscriber, but that’s what I get for being creatively attractive.
Will they be mad? Will they scorn me and talk trash at group meet ups? Will I become the social pariah, have to change my name, and leave the community?
Was what I said offensive? No, in fact what I shared was more about my own insecurities around shining like the sparkly diamond I am. It’s not their fault they don’t know how to embrace the multi-passionate side of me; it’s mine!. I didn’t let them know everything about me. I didn’t make my declaration to them soon enough, not giving them a chance to know me before they put me in a box.
But I digress, because I have learned some lessons about sharing the raw side of me; things that might have helped me get out of that little jam had I taken my own advice, but also good tactics for telling great stories that can help you look like the shiny diamond you are.
😛 Maybe, Hold Your Tongue
I broke a cardinal rule of telling personal stories; either make sure the people you’re talking about aren’t paying attention, or cowboy up and tell them to their face so they know it’s coming. That’s Rule #1, and it’s a big one because the best result is they get a little offended.
The worst possible outcome is that they name you in a libel lawsuit and take whatever meager pittance you have in your coffers.
🖍️ Embellish with Grace
You’re not going to remember all the details. It’s ok to fill in the details the best you can especially if the details make the story better, but don’t change the context of the story or your role in it.
Add all the color you want, but don’t make up things that didn’t happen. Someone you know may have been there, and if they are a good friend, they will call you on your bullshit, or they’ll look at you funny for the rest of your life because they don’t ever know if you’re telling the truth with your stories.
🥩 Good Stories Have Stakes
Ok, this one is definitely spoken often, but not often enough. If you tell a story with no tension, there’s no pay off and people will come for you with pitchforks and torches.
Maybe pitchforks are a little dramatic, but it gave you some tension, didn’t it? See how easy that was?
Tension doesn’t have to be difficult or life changing. I created tension at the beginning of this piece by sharing that the person I was writing about might actually see what I wrote even though I didn’t intend them to see it. What happens when I see them next?
By asking that question, you’re at least marginally invested because I shared the drama and you want to know what comes of it. That’s stakes.
🎭 Humor Cures
Years ago, a local radio DJ on a morning zoo show talked about how he was able to get lots of dates (and sex) with women out of his league. His straight-to-the-matter response when asked how he did it was, “If you can make them laugh, they’ll make you breakfast.”
Perhaps a crass hot take, but few things cure what ails your mental state like a good laugh. Find the humor wherever you can because even a subtle chuckle over a single statement in a longer monologue can change the temper of your harshest critics.
If you don’t know what other people find funny, then just make yourself laugh. I laugh at my own jokes all the time, whether someone gets them or not. Not everyone gets my humor, but I’m not writing for the ones that don’t. I’m writing the jokes for the weirdos like me.
Your unique stories are the fastest way to gain the trust and solidarity of readers who don’t know much about you. Personal stories are the fastest way to the heartstrings of the unconverted, and no matter how many times I try to get away from it, the truth comes at my head like a 9 lb. hammer, and I’m tired of the concussions.
In a weird twist, the story I mention at the beginning has one of my lowest open rates lately, but the Note I posted that truncated the original concept is one of my most popular in more than a year.
The disparity of attention between the article and the Note tells me three things:
My article headline could have been better
I’ve tapped into something interesting here
Do not sleep on Substack Notes!
I’m not trying to become a Substack growth coach, but there’s something to be said about Notes and how most of my new attention is coming from that part of the platform.
As I write this, I’ve added over 50 new subscribers, and that’s after a steady decline over the past several months.
I’m spending significantly more time on Notes than any other social platform now because it’s filled with smart, creative people sharing smart, creative things, and I’ve found so many people I resonate with there.
The hope is that others find me the same. And of course, all my stories go there. Here’s some recent stories you might have missed.
